It goes without saying that TikTok’s theories about friendship, relationships, and just about anything else should be taken with a grain of salt. A suggestion or comment may go bad quickly, but if it’s relevant, it’s likely to resonate. Creator @krtivz’s film about the phenomenon of friendship does the latter. The video, which has more than 1.5 million likes and 13,000 comments, resonates with Trivieri’s theory: “The closer you are to your friends, the fewer photos you have together.”
A good photo is the cultural capital of Generation Z. Sharing your latest vacation, outfit or night out on Instagram is an entire form of communication in itself. You might think that the meaning of taking pictures extends to how we affirm our friendships, but reviewers of Trivieri’s film think otherwise. Commenter Gia Lee wrote that the lack of photos was because “we were living in the moment and laughing until we had tears in our eyes. It was truly a good time.” Beauty creator Jackie Asamoah agreed with Trivi Yeri’s POV: “That’s so true, haha. I’ve also realized that the people I post the least photos with are the relationships I want to protect the most.
As a Gen Zer, this disconnect makes no sense. We’re all on our phones all the time – why don’t we feel like we’re taking photos with our closest friends? most Comfortable? Not to mention, photos are crucial to our memories. Still, the video resonated with me, so I decided to poll my social network and relationship experts to find out more.
Experts featured in this article
Chandra Khalifian, MD, is a clinical psychologist, researcher, and educator in San Diego, California.
Kayla Knopp, MD, is a clinical psychologist, researcher, and educator in San Diego, California.
Patricia Dixon, MD, is a licensed clinical psychologist, speaker, author, and life coach in Palmetto, Florida.
Jewel Hohman is a friendship and connection expert in Flint, Michigan.
I polled 81 people on Instagram Stories asking, “Do you think photos of you and your close friends look good?” 68 people voted no and only 13 voted yes.
Most of those who downvoted comments on the TikTok post had similar explanations: Hannah explained that when she was with her friends, they “spent so long chatting or chatting that we didn’t have time to take good pictures before us.” “. Go somewhere. ” On the other hand, she notes that taking photos can pass the time or solidify less close friendships, “because you probably won’t talk as much as you would with a close friend. ” Abby noted something similar: “I don’t feel like I have to please my close friends. Photo verification is not necessary. I would ask people who were not close to me to provide photos to verify friendships. ”
There may be a simple reason why we all feel this way: “People tend to spend time with people who are similar to themselves,” says clinical psychologist, researcher, and educator Chandra Khalifian, MD. “Many people’s best friends are the people they spend time with and take photos with.”
In other words, confirmation bias may play a role in the phenomenon’s ubiquity. You won’t necessarily comment on or repost a video on TikTok (or respond to a poll) if it doesn’t resonate with you. However, clinical psychologist, researcher, and educator Kayla Knope, MD, confirms that it’s normal not to think about the next photo, even with our closest friends. “I might be thinking about paying attention to the person I’m talking to,” she said.
We also can’t ignore the impact our beauty standards have on photos, especially if we know they’ll be posted somewhere. They can completely impact our desire to take photos. “Having a higher standard for how people should look makes it feel a little performative,” Dr. Knopp said. “It wouldn’t be fun if everyone was taking pictures and putting them on Instagram to make themselves look sexy.”
Feeling the pressure to look a certain way and therefore record and release it was an experience that expanded beyond the world of friendship. This experience may dilute our understanding of the photograph. “When I revisited those handheld photos taken with disposable cameras, the meaning behind these moments was profound,” shares Patricia Dixon, M.D., a licensed clinical psychologist and speaker Author, author and life coach. “When it’s just a photoshoot, it’s not about creating a real memory, it’s about taking a picture of a memory that doesn’t really exist.”
Nonetheless, the act of taking and sharing photos is a good, healthy way to deepen friendships and is important in the process of making friends. “No one meets suddenly, and [instantly] “In the beginning, when we move someone from a casual acquaintance to a friend, studies show it takes about 80 to 100 hours,” Dr. Dixon said. Jewel Hohman, a connection expert, said that with friends Communicating may make you feel closer and solidify your friendship.
Regarding our true inner circle, Homan cites “cognitive monitoring” to explain why we might feel more comfortable not taking photos with our close friends. Simply put, cognitive monitoring is when we are aware of how our actions will be perceived. For example, paying special attention to what we say in social situations to adapt. Homan said.
This subconscious understanding reinforces the adage that healthy romantic partners don’t post about each other on social media, and the same goes for healthy friendships. “We don’t need to perform for each other; we don’t need to curate anything to validate because the emotional foundation has already been laid, so our interactions can be low-maintenance.”
Ultimately, it’s still important to take authentic, unpretentious photos with your closest friends and family. Dr. Dixon shared that preserving photos of her mother after her death was crucial to keeping her memory alive. “When you lose someone, yes, you have the memory in your mind, but there’s something to be said [about photographs]. Every photo I can look through and look at, does she look perfect in all of them? No, but she looks perfect. I remember her through images that truly represent who she was.
As Gen Zers grow up in institutions like high school and college, they may be surprised by the challenges of forming close friendships as adults. Finding friends isn’t as easy as sitting next to you in class every day for a year. The lack of photos may reflect a lack of effort in taking the time to develop friendships.
“Investing in your community and these friendships is a form of self-care,” says Dr. Dixon. “Challenging yourself to go beyond that little bit of discomfort…that really does lead to the biggest rewards, just like working out or investing in your bank account. Many of us are not in a position or environment like this: [making friends] It can feel natural. We must work on increasing our social skills.
Folks, here’s your doctor’s note encouraging you to take selfies with new or old friends and keep your experiences together authentic.
