As hard as it is to admit, many of us struggle as adults knowing how to make new friends. After college, it takes some time to adjust to postgraduate life, as you have to learn to balance work, family, relationships, and general responsibilities. Sometimes, meeting new people can feel like an unnecessary extra task. However, over time, people move on and relationships change, creating space for new people to enter your life.
“Your 20s are the foundation for determining the direction of your life. It’s a critical time of discovery because we spend most of our lives being told who we are,” says friendship expert Chanel Jack. “In general, people can make you better or worse, so who you choose to befriend and associate with is crucial and has a direct impact on the quality of your life.”
Aside from showing up, probably the hardest part of making new friends is knowing where to look. Read on to learn ways to meet potential new friends.
Experts featured in this article
Chanel Jack is a friendship coach, author, podcast host, and founder of Girl Code Media.
How adults make new friends
1. Find a “third place” and become a regular
One of the best ways to make adult friends is to look around for third places. The third place can be anywhere you frequent, usually an environment where you have the opportunity to interact with other people. Whether it’s a local bar, coffee shop or dance class, you and your regulars probably already share this common space. This can be nerve-wracking, but if you see a familiar face, don’t hesitate to introduce yourself. If you recognize them, chances are they will recognize you.
2. Exchange messages after chatting
It’s common to have some brief small talk with strangers while waiting in line or hanging out, and once the conversation is over you can 100% go your separate ways. However, if you’re wondering how to make adult friends, this is a great opportunity. Just keep chatting and let them know you’d love to be friends with them. If they seem interested, ask for their information.
After exchanging information, it’s important to follow up with them regularly – this is a crucial part that most people overlook. “It’s not enough to just meet new people, you have to put in the effort to cultivate and nurture those relationships,” Jack said. Recently, while shopping for my next book, I met a very nice and interesting girl. We had a great rapport, so I asked for her Instagram. We’ve been hanging out ever since and I had the pleasure of running into her on a chance run to a Barnes & Noble.
3. Go to events alone
Whether you’re extremely extroverted or feel anxious in social situations, attending events alone can be daunting. That is, it allows you to step out of your comfort zone, learn how to make new friends as an adult, and be free to leave at any time.
On New Year’s Eve this year, I went to a 90’s club event by myself. I’m not going to lie, it took me a while to get used to it, but after dancing and a few drinks I met a few girls on the dance floor and in the girls’ bathroom and they became good friends from then on. If I waited for friends to come or just stayed home, I would never see them and what a loss that would be.
4. Plan an event with friends
In my opinion, as an adult, there is no better way to make new friends than through existing friends. No, you won’t become good friends with all your friends’ friends, but it’s a great opportunity to make new connections with people who have already been vetted by people you trust. Consider planning a game night, or a round of bowling. Creating a relaxed and fun space with some familiar faces is the perfect environment for new friendships to bloom.
5. Post questions to mutual aid groups on social media
For most of us, common characters on social media are a mixture of people from different stages of our lives. From childhood friends to random people we meet on a night out, they all get caught up in it. This created a perfect scenario to investigate outings with people we already knew and activities we wanted to try.
At the beginning of this year, I created a “side quest” bingo card of fun activities I wanted to try in 2024, from tequila tasting to skydiving. I posted it on my Instagram Stories to see who was interested in doing anything with me and surprisingly, a handful of people swiped on it and gave me a list of people to contact while making plans . Social media is vast and full of possibilities, so why not use it as a tool to enhance your social life?
6. Attend a local meetup or group event
There has been an influx of online and activist groups to combat the growing loneliness epidemic. Organizations like The Women’s Social Club or Drinks First are great places to start, as they hold regular events with people craving a similar connection. If you have recently moved to a new city or just want to meet new people in a new environment, these groups are perfect for you.
7. Check out local events
Planning an event can be exhausting, and sometimes, you just want to simply join in the fun. Learning about local events in your city can help you find a new sense of community. Annual events like Restaurant Week or more frequent gatherings like First Fridays, farmers markets, or even silent book clubs provide ample space to network with local vendors and community members. You can find many local activities by checking local tourism websites for your city.
8. Don’t forget to invest in the friends you already have
“Make time for the friends you already have,” says Jack, “and continue to love them as you expand your circle.” While you prioritize making new connections, try to avoid adding friends you’ve made along the way. Push aside. Some friendships may fade over time, but the ones you cherish shouldn’t be put on hold. Keep investing in these bonds and maybe they will make new friends along with you.
