Although they never insisted on it, I sensed that my parents wanted both my brother and I to go to college. My father only completed eighth grade, but he was a voracious reader. My mom went to nursing school for one semester but flunked out. Then she went to college for a year. They were small farmers and I knew they had very little money – which meant that if I were to go, I would have to make a lot of money myself. I was lucky enough to receive scholarships and grants. I also worked any job I could find during college, including babysitting, cleaning houses, doing secretarial work for an accountant during tax time, working in a pick-your-own apple orchard, and hauling trash in the college cafeteria on Sundays. My parents were kind enough to help with the rest, bless them. By my junior year, I was working from home as a waitress and spending the summer as an au pair for my missionary cousins in Austria. My senior year, I moved in with friends off campus and spent the summer before and after working as a backpacking/climbing guide in New Hampshire. I also continued to work at any job I could find, including tutoring students and typing papers. I also teach children’s literature courses at the university (yes, as a student) and manage the Children’s Book Show, a large annual conference held by the college. During breaks and vacations, I worked at a hardware store. One spring break, I helped install lightning rods in the gymnasium at Michigan Technological University. The perfect experience for growing writers. I want to go to graduate school and plan to go into publishing. I was admitted to the University of Michigan, which meant in-state tuition. My parents said that if I could afford the living expenses, they would pay for them. I got a job and lived with a professor’s family; I cleaned their house, took care of their daughter, and occasionally helped cook and serve at parties. In return, I lived in the attic (like Cinderella!), rent-free, and had one meal a day – or two if I came home at noon to walk the dog. A generous friend was staying in a nearby commune and invited me to dine with him. I also had a plain bowl of fried rice at a Chinese restaurant for $1.25. One day, D., an engineering student fresh out of the Navy, sat at my desk—and I married him. I graduated debt-free (thanks, Mom and Dad!) and got married a week after I turned in my last master’s thesis. After six years in the Navy, D. received GI Bill funds. We had so much freedom, going to concerts, movies, going out to eat, and not making things stressful like I had for years. He graduated with $10,000 in student loans, but we paid it off over the next five years or so.
What kind of conversations did you have about money when you were growing up? Did your parents/guardians educate you about finances?
From the beginning, my parents were very open about not having much but trying to live as long as possible. (Because my dad is Dutch, we called it “being good Dutch.” Then we would brag about the bargains, or complain about being “poor and needy.”) Mom and Dad never insisted or even suggested , but my brother and I knew that if we wanted things, we had to work for them—so we did. I remember being taken to the bank to open a savings account, and they advised me to split the money: 50% in the bank (for college), 10% for donations, and the rest for expenses. This approach worked so well that most of my first year of college was paid for with these funds. While we can’t save 50% today (I hope!), we’ve been contributing 10% of our income and usually save 10%-25%, depending on our expenses for the month. D. and I have kept our money in the same account since we got married 42.5 years ago, although we have separate accounts for stock purchases. Both parents have been extremely generous over the years, helping with money and time. They also lend us money from time to time, which we repay with interest (our choice, not theirs). After my dad passed away, we started sending my mom $50 a month, reasoning that she needed “fun money” (which was really a way to repay her for the sacrifices she made to pay for my college). We also hired a bi-monthly cleaner for her. During her last year, we increased the monthly payment to $100 and secretly paid for some of her household expenses. I was lucky enough to find a husband who said, “She’s my mom too…and we’re going to take care of her.”
What was your first job?
I grew up taking care of children; my brother and I also sold raspberries and sweet corn at a stand in front of the farm. I occasionally cleaned people’s houses, helped my mom during catering shows (funerals and weddings), did haying and other work on the farm. When I was 15, I got a job at the local hardware store, working four days a week after school (Thursday was my day off) and all day Saturday. I did this throughout high school, but also during college breaks and undergrad breaks. Great memories resurface every time I smell the unique blend of tools and plumbing parts, fertilizers, greases…and farmers.
Have you ever been worried about money since you were a child?
Not really. If you know money will be tight in the beginning, there’s nothing to worry about. As mentioned before, I knew from an early age that if I wanted something, I had to work for it. But that’s also what my parents did. Sometimes I get a little jealous of my cousins because they have more money than them. At Christmas time they would receive about five dresses and sweaters and I would receive one. Ironically, as adults, they end up with far less financial security than our family.
Are you still worried about money now?
I also experienced some concerns, especially when D. got sick and switched from being a mechanical engineer to driving a school bus – income dropped by about 75%. And our kids are still very young. Although he eventually went into training and IT in the school transportation department, his income never really recovered; we lived on $20,000 a year for decades. I was working as an editor for a quilting magazine, which helped bridge the gap. It also helped that my own business had grown steadily during the financially difficult years. Also, the way I was raised, I tend to be very frugal when times are tough financially. Am I worried about money now? That’s not the case – other than always keeping a certain amount in your checking account. (“Just in case,” I told myself.) Thanks to Social Security and D.’s pension, his income was higher than when he was working. Go do the math.
At what age did you start taking responsibility for your finances?
My parents took good care of my brother and me, although there was little money to spend extra money on. However, we did have fresh vegetables and meats that only a farm could provide, and my mum was a wizard seamstress. Other than hand-me-downs from my cousins, I don’t think I ever bought clothes from a store until my junior year in high school. I was trying so hard not to ask for money from them that I worked in the high school cafeteria for free lunch (my brother did the same). Aside from college expenses (see above) and a lot of canned food/food now and then in grad school, I was pretty much independent by the age of 17 and a half. About six years ago, D. and I sold our house—which had appreciated significantly in value—and moved into a 32-foot fifth-wheel trailer (the profits from the house went into an annuity and our investments fund). My side of the family – dozens of cousins, aunts/uncles, etc. – decided to move into a trailer because we were “broke,” which made us happy. A friend offered us a caretaker position on his ranch, where we stayed most of the year. This allowed us to travel, volunteer with Ethnos360 (a missionary pilot training base) in Arizona, and temporarily move to Michigan to care for my mom during her final days. Last summer we started looking for a more permanent home and found a house and 10 acres in the mountains. We moved there last November and were able to pay with cash – except for $20,000, which we borrowed from A. and K., our youngest daughter and son-in-law. (We could have paid in full, but D. insisted we needed an emergency fund. He was right.) The loan was down to about $5,000 (and yes, we were paying interest). The fifth wheel is still parked in our yard. If gas wasn’t so expensive we would take more trips with it. But I guess it’s also a safety net; if need be, we can sell the house and move in again. Our kids use it occasionally, but we do plan on selling it eventually. We also have a snowmobile trailer currently filled with furniture parked in Michigan; we plan to pick it up in the next few months. It can also be sold if desired. We also have annuities that are designed to add to our eventual estate but will also help pay for a nursing facility if we eventually need one. We regularly set aside money in our emergency fund; it’s currently in Lending Club, earning more interest. I like to keep at least $5,000 there; D. Like $10,000. But we have some truck repairs that need to be paid for this year.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
When my grandma passed away, my brother and I each got a set of downhill skis – which was a big thing for us. When D.’s mom passed away (another budget-conscious person), we received over $250,000. This allowed us to pay off the house we owned at the time, buy a new car, go on vacation with our daughters, pay for some college, and purchase a few years of work service credits in the public school system toward a D degree. This allowed him to retire at age 60, which was a godsend. My mother passed away in early 2022; my father died at least 12 years earlier. They saved a fortune frugally, but spent almost all of it on mom’s care facility, rehabilitation and hospital bills. (She was very ill in the last year of her life; we moved 1,800 miles away to Michigan and lived in her home for six months. We cared for her at home and then visited her almost every day until her death. ) When she died, we inherited about $40,000, plus our share of the sale of the family farm to my nephew: about $125,000. Some of that money goes to each of our daughters and their husbands/partners. It also helps pay for our current housing.
