For many people, Orgasmic Meditation (also known as “OM”) is a beautiful practice that combines sex and mindfulness to help them achieve maximum pleasure. It focuses primarily on intimate connections between people with the common goal of achieving states of consciousness and physical pleasure. While regular meditation often involves people focusing entirely on the mind-body connection, orgasmic meditation prioritizes the feeling of sexual energy and the sensations that result from it.
Although orgasmic meditation has exploded in popularity in recent years, the practice is not without controversy. For those of us who have watched the Netflix documentary Orgasm Inc., we know that orgasmic meditation has gained an unfortunate reputation due to the company OneTaste and its history of alleged sexual assault, predatory sales practices, and “cult-like activity.” reputation.
But while one of OneTaste’s oft-abused practices is orgasmic meditation, it can be a very beautiful and therapeutic practice when practiced in a consensual, mindful, and enjoyable way. Let’s explore what orgasmic meditation is really about, its potential benefits, and how to try it for yourself if you’re interested.
Experts featured in this article
Kiana Reeves is a somatic sex educator and chief content officer at Foria, a plant-based sexual wellness brand.
Dr. Cheryl Fraser is a Buddhist sex therapist who studies Tantra.
Dr. Carol Queen is a sexologist at Good Vibrations and author of The Sex and Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations’ Guide to Great Sex for Everyone.
What is Orgasmic Meditation?
Somatic sex educator Keanna Reeves says orgasmic meditation is a practice done between partners to “increase pleasure capacity and sensory awareness for people with vulvas.” The exercise involves a “very specific and structured” setup, with the recipient lying comfortably on their back with their legs spread open for a designated amount of time. The partner is then given to stroke the upper left quadrant of their partner’s clitoris with one finger, and as they touch, they adjust it as needed (stroking, speed, pressure, etc.) as directed by their partner.
OneTaste claims to have coined the term “orgasmic meditation,” but the practice has been around since before the company was founded in 2005. Meditation in general can be traced back to the Indus Valley in 5000 BC, from which orgasmic meditation may have originated, although it is difficult to say exactly where and when it originated.
What are the benefits of orgasm mediation?
According to Buddhist sex therapist Cheryl Fraser, practicing mindful sex can:
- Increase emotional and spiritual connection with partner
- Improves sexual response and pleasure in people with pelvic floor pain, sexual trauma, and low sexual arousal.
- Reduce stress and anxiety
- Bring a new kind of sex to your repertoire that integrates mind, heart and body
- Enhance your ability to experience powerful, exciting, lasting pleasure
Reeves also adds that being on the receiving end of OM in particular can help you focus on the present moment, increasing your ability to receive more pleasure and stimulation over time, improving your ability to receive (and reducing the pressure to give), And allows you to become more comfortable with your genitals.
After all, “when someone is looking at your vulva and paying attention to every little movement and reaction of your body, you naturally develop an ability to be seen,” Reeves says—which might be possible for some is a major hindrance in sexual interaction.
On the giving side, OM can help you learn to track your partner’s body’s pleasure cues and improve your connection. It can also help you better understand your partner’s mental space and what they need emotionally to experience happiness.
How to Practice Orgasmic Meditation
According to Reeves, a commonly used technique is as follows:
- Organize a cozy space (or nest) with pillows and blankets where you can lie on your back and spread your legs to rest.
- Agree that this is unrequited sex, so accept that once the 15 minutes are over, nothing else will happen – nor any other expectations.
- Before you begin, get comfortable, wash your hands, sit back, and breathe. Make eye contact and feel how much you care about each other.
- Set a timer for 15 minutes.
- Guide your partner to the most sensitive part of your clitoral area. When they are exposed for 15 minutes, ask them about any adjustments they need in terms of stroke, speed, pressure, etc.
- Stop when the timer ends. Take a few breaths together.
- Repeat once a week or a few times a week – but usually feels beneficial.
There are other ways to practice OM. In fact, sexologist Carol Queen tells PS that practicing OM can be whatever you want it to be. “There’s no one way you can experience your body or your sexuality,” Quinn said. In other words, they recommend that you practice clitoral touch in a way that works best for you – with or without a partner, for longer or shorter than 15 minutes.
Instead of a step-by-step OM process, Fraser guides couples in practicing mindful sex and conscious orgasm. “The key is to slow down, take your time, and focus instead of rushing to the finish line.” Basically, your goal is to deprioritize orgasm and just enjoy the feeling.
If you’re interested in offering this approach to your partners, Fraser recommends the following:
- Set a timer for 45 minutes. Have your partner lie down comfortably. Start touching and exploring their body very slowly. Touch, tease and tease them, but do not touch their usual erogenous areas (clitoris, vulva, penis, scrotum, perineum, butt, anus or nipples). Instead, explore other sensations throughout your body.
- As you approach orgasm, look into your partner’s eyes. Breathe slowly; focus on touch, feeling, and pleasure; and live in the present moment.
- Take turns giving each other a gentle, sensual, sexy genital massage. Ask your partner to focus on the touch of your fingers or tongue. Let them get close to climax and then back off.
Fraser reminds couples that it’s not the touch itself that’s important or turns you on, but your thoughts. “That’s why I tell couples over and over again on the show, great sex is all in your head.”
How does orgasmic meditation differ from normal stimulation?
There are some key differences here. For one, during orgasmic meditation, the focus is not on the orgasm, but on the experience. While this should ideally apply to any pleasurable experience you engage in, especially orgasmic meditation, the recipient should focus more on the sensations and how stimulating everything feels rather than the end goal of climaxing.
Another difference is that during orgasmic meditation, attention is focused only on the receiver. The session usually ends after the giver meets the amount specified by the receiver. This way, the recipient can just focus on their own pleasure and feelings without having to worry about taking too long or when it’s their turn to “reciprocate.” That said, if you and your partner decide to switch roles and not completely end the session after the allotted time, that’s totally fine.
Finally, and perhaps the biggest difference, orgasmic meditation includes more breath work and meditation exercises. Both giver and receiver should actively check in with each other in order to synchronize their breathing and connect beyond the physical level. You can do this by sitting across from each other and breathing in together for three seconds and exhaling together for three seconds before starting the activity. You can continue to do this as the session continues.
To sum up, if done with consent and in a pleasure-first environment, orgasmic meditation can be a wonderful practice to try with a trustworthy partner.
